All Done!

Here is the finished Product! It fits perfectly in my front entry way that has been really bare before now. It was a lot of fun and I hope to find something else to do. Someday I think I will add a bottom shelf to it but for now here it is:)

Buliding again:)

First off I would like to thank you very much for all the love and support we have felt the last month. I am amazed at all the support we have gotten and especially from my Heavenly father. We are doing pretty good and just trying to stay busy:)
We have been getting ready for Christmas and Brenden is having so much fun! We set up the tree...

We have been doing the twelve days of Christmas. Brenden is so excited every day to open a present with his Daddy.

We also have been taking naps, and by that I mean I was napping and Brenden was doing this...whoops my bad!

Two houses have been being built across the street and I have been searching the dumpster for some wood. I found lots of two by fours so I decided to make this...

Moss helped me with a few things and gave some great suggestions.

Brenden was my little helper and was great at handing me tools.
I have put the final coat of paint on tonight and will post a picture when I get it all set up.

I am so excited for this weekend! Brenden will have his first sleepover with all the cousins. We will get to hang out with lots of family. The best part will be watching Brenden open his presents. He is so excited and I think he is going to love his gifts. Hope all is well with you and your family and Merry Christmas!

Not our plan...

Life has its way of turning your world upside down when you least except it. On Wednesday moss and I headed to our ultrasound as i was 17 weeks along, super excited and both oddly a little nervous. I think our Heavenly Father has a way of preparing your for things so you know he is always there.

We got back to our appointment and got settled in. The lady put the thingy on my belly and ask when was my last appointment. I knew something was wrong at that point. The next words she said would change moss and I forever. She simply said there is no heart beat. It was like a bad day dream and it did not seem real. I started to bawl and moss did all he could to comfort me. The staff got a hold of our doctor and said he would meet us at his office. Walking into the room I could see tears in his eyes which made me break down even more. Having someone that cared so much for our little family was an amazing feeling at this time. He explained to me over and over again that is was not my fault and these things just happen. Since he knows all about my depression and anxiety he expressed concerns but then told me he knew I could do this especially with such an amazing husband by my side.

He told us that we would be delivering this baby just like a normal delivery. I was really scared at that point. Up until the I thought I would have a d&c and having to deliver made it seem so much more real. Now and I think in the future I will be very grateful for that experience. We headed over to labor and delivery and got settled in.

Everyone there was super nice And sensitive to our situation. Having them stick me seven times cause they could not start and iv and then the blood taker lady forgetting to put the bracelet on me which resulted in getting my blood drawn twice was not fun but other than that I felt very well taken care of.

They ask what I wanted to do as far as pain medicine since it was going to be pretty close to a normal full term delivery. I did not want to add anymore to the day and I remembered how much that bill was I decided to just do it on my own.

They put some medicine in me to help start the process and said it may take several pills or maybe just one. My mom and sisters were all with me at this point. As soon as I found out I called my mom and when I found out I was going to have to deliver I wanted heather there. I needed some good distraction and that's when I knew I would need Bonnie and Joanna there. Seeing as it was the day before thanksgiving I am very grateful for everyone putting me first and being there for me with there tricky schedules. Timmy and trini came a little later with some super comfy pajamas I was very grateful for the next day on the ride home. Russell and Nicole even joined in and brought a much needed dinner for moss which I stole a few bites from:)

Moss' parents were awesome and brought in Brenden to us, who we missed so much! It was so good to have him there he kept moving my bed up and down, which I loved:)

I was feeling pretty normal until about midnight when everyone but my dad mom and heather had gone home. I started to feel some contractions which were uncomfortable but nothing too bad. I really thought they were going to get so much worse but thankfully I was blessed with lots of comfort both mentally and physically. Through out the night I got text from loving friends and family. Our doctor, Dr Clark even texted us to check up on us. He was headed up north at the time.

At about one I asked to be checked and the nurse said I think you are there I will get the Dr. It seemed as soon as it started it was over. Moss held my hand very tight and walked me through it and told me what was going on. The dr. had told me earlier that if they could not get the placenta out they would have to do a d&c. I wanted to avoid that completely, that was by far the most uncomfortable part as any one who has had a baby would understand. Because it had not detached completely like it does with a full term baby it was very painful. After it was over they asked if I wanted to see the baby. I told moss to go look. I than had the opportunity I will never forget to hold my baby. It was so tiny, about 4 inches long and just perfect. The dr. told us at this point he could not see any reason why it had not lived. We were told it was a boy and it looked like a boy to us but at that point in the process they look very similiar. I will get to that later. We held our baby for a few minutes and then said goodbye only moments after saying hello. I don' know if I would of been able to get through this without moss by my side. He held me through out it all and kept reminding me how strong I was.

That night we got some sleep and then got to go pick up brenden which was the only thing moss and I wanted at this point. Having a baby to hold in the best medicine when going through something like this.

Over the weekend we spent lots of time with family and tried to deal with all the emotions going on inside of us. On Tuesday we got a call from the mortuary and were told we needed to come in and sign some papers. We had decided together we would have the baby cremated. I kept thinking I am much to young to be walking into this place and tears just started streaming. Moss had to talk the whole time. The only good part about it was we got to see our little baby one more time.

Flash forward to yesterday when we took brenden into the insta care to get checked out for his fever and cough. We were waiting for the dr to come in when I get a text from our dr. asking if I was home so he could bring something by. We explained where we were and he said I am just across the hall I will come over. He checked out brenden and brought us over to his clinic to give us some meds for him. Then he gave us a huge bouquet of little roses and a card. I think he gets the best dr award by far:) He asked how we were doing and we talked for a few minutes and then he asked if we had named the baby and we said no. He then said well I wanted to tell you guys that the pathologist said the baby was a girl. Moss and I both were like huh? It was really weird to hear this now after going though it thinking it was a boy. I had told my family before I delivered I was sure it was a girl and I guess in the long run I was right.

Growing up it really hard to do and dealing with real life issues. It makes me very grateful for the chance I had for having such and easy pregnancy the first time around. I will never take that for granted again. I talked to a friend in my ward and she said I don't know how you are being so positive I wish I had your attitude. I and trying really hard to know this is Gods plan and he knows what is best but trust me I have times and moss can confirm these, when I am mad. I am mad I don't have my baby, I am mad I am not pregnant, I am mad it will be at least a year before I get to have a new born to snuggle, I am mad the church has not said and specifics on miscarriages, I am mad for no reason other than it didn't happen the way I planned. But being mad does not do anything, so I try to be happy and realize it is in gods plan. Someday we will have another little baby to hold and raise someday...

Halloween 2011

This year Halloween lasted from Tuesday until Monday. It was a bit much but it was still fun. On Tuesday Brenden and I joined Bonnie for her trunk or treat. Brenden kept telling us he wanted to be a pirate, so luckily Bonnie had one in her awesome stash of costumes.

Brenden really wanted me to "put on my bee", so I got dressed up to.
I figured it was a good time for my first belly shot. Thats not all baby in there but we can pretend right? haha. Me at 13 weeks:)On Friday night we had Moss' family over for a Halloween party. It was a lot of fun. We ate yummy food played games and had a fashion show to show off our sweet costumes.
Brenden ask if it was his turn and since he was not having anything to do with his costume he put on his sweet superman get up and pulled all sorts of poses down the run way.

We even had a sweet cake walk. Brenden was a little confused but liked it when he got candy.

While us girls did a cute flag banner craft the men carved pumpkins.
On Saturday night we had our ward trunk or treat. It was fun to see some friends but most the people we still have no idea who they are. Thats what happens when you have over 600 people come each Sunday. I forgot the camera but Brenden was so excited to "do Halloween again". He would say trick or treat and then thank you. He ended up with a pretty good stash and the end.

On Monday we went over to Joanna's and had dinner with her family and my parents. My dad has a hard time when things change and people grow up so we decided to go trick or treating so he could come along:) Moss stayed at Joanna's house to hang out candy what a sacrifice (totally sarcastic) .

Ready to go with Bentley and Hailee:)

Brenden knocking on his first door....

Before he got too tired and I had to hold him...
At the end we trick or treated daddy and Moss said what do you say and Brenden said "please?" haha .

We then headed over to Grandma and Grandpa with the kitty (Lillywhite) and recovered from out night.

Things to do

My mom recently told me about some service opportunities at the DI. You can go and pick up some squares and make a top for a quilt. It is a good thing to do while I catch up on some TV time and Brenden even likes to get in on it and hand me pins.

Sometimes the patterns are a little intense and random but I am sure whoever is getting them is just glad to be warm.
Brenden is such a good helper and sometimes has really tiring days and is just too sleepy to play on the Ipad:)

Baby #2

Moss and I are excited to announce we will be adding another baby to the family come April 30th (or around there). I found out by being persueded to take a test at Target haha. Bonnie and I were a little impatient. As soon as I saw the pregnant sign I had lots of emotions run through me:) We then picked out some things to give to Moss and headed home. I set the camera up and then had Brenden take in things one at a time, first some Reeses Pieces and then some Junior Mints (Moss later told me that is when he figured it out). He took in a little brother and little sister shirt and Moss said I know whats going on haha.

We told our families the next day, Brenden wore this shirt around and my siblings got it pretty fast. But it took our parents a minute haha. Everyone was super excited for us and proud of us for being brave enough to do it again...he he.

We went in and got to hear the heart beat on Thursday. It took him a minute to find and I was getting nervous but both Moss and my face lite up as soon as we heard it. That is seriously one of the best sounds I have ever heard. We are hoping to have our first ultrasound the week after Thanksgiving. We are super excited to do this again and hoping for a happy healthy baby:)

California Adventure 2011

Over Labor day weekend we headed down to California to visit our long lost friends Ashley and Brad Shelton. Sunday night we loaded up the car with Me Moss Brenden and Supe and where on our way. Brenden traveled pretty well until the last half hour where he wanted to hold my hand and me sing to him. Sometimes I like it when he is needy and cute:)

We got there and said our hello's and Brenden was a little quiet at first but quickly broke out of his shell and was all over the place. He was super excited when he saw that Ashley had Netflix and we could watch Phineas and Ferb every night...which we did. Moss and Supe kept asking for more haha.

The next morning we headed out to the beach.

Seeing it was the first of September we did not prepare for cold weather but we should of... It was a little cold at first but got warm enough to be comfortable after awhile. Brenden was so excited to chase the birds while Moss and Supe did not swimming. I watched:)


Me and my buddy...Brenden loved to run to the water and then run back screaming when the waves would come in, it was super cute!
Then the sand castle building began...




The first castle was too close to the ocean so it did not last very long.
The next one we did farther away and it was better...Until it collapse then Brenden was told to demolish it:)

Moss went to the same Beach Corona Del Mar when he was young and had a picture taken on the rocks so I though Brenden needed one too. Don't you love his pose? haha


That afternoon Ashley and I went and got some pedicures and manicures. I forgot my camera but it was super fun to catch up even though the ladies were weirdly obsessed with Ashley water bottle and kept asking her all about it. And then she was not paying attention and buffed my non-nail finger...whoops haha.

We went to dinner that night and forgot he camera again but it was really good:)

The next day was the big day and we headed to Mickey Mouses house...(Disneyland). It was a lot of fun but I wish it would not have been 95 degrees! That is a warm day for walking around waiting in lines. First we went on Buzz lightyear, Brenden was a little worried at first since it was the first ride we went on but then he got into it and I think liked it.
Next we went on Autotopia, Brenden was so excited to get a license:)
He loves cars!
We then headed to the Rockets, Moss thought they were scary haha, Brenden loved them!



We later got to meet pooh, Eeyore, and tiger. Brenden was not scared at all and ran up for a hug each time. It was so cute!
We went on a safari...

While Moss and Supe went on Indiana Jones Brenden and I went on Dumbo the Teacups and a boat ride.
Brenden thought this car was coool.
We did a lot of this...waiting in line. I kept dumping water on Brenden's head to cool him off.
Supe watched Brenden while we went on Space mountian. I will admit I closed my eyes almost the whole time just like when I was 10 haha. At least this time I had Moss hand to hold:)We then went on my Favorite ride!!! Thunder Mountain, when I was five my parents just stuck me in between them and said hold on. I was so scared but loved it!
Supe was a good uncle and got Brenden to sleep:)We then headed to the It's a small world and loved it mostly cause it was really cold in there.

Then was Brenden's favorite part...going to Mickey Mouse's house!!! He got so excited and ran up to him and gave him a big hug and walked out with a huge smile on his face.
Then we rode in Mickey mouse's car.
Brenden's favorite ride was Go Go Gadgets Roller Coster. The first time Moss rode with him and when we were going up Moss says he started to get really nervous haha. The next time I sat by him and when we were going up he said we are going to go down haha. Then I just watch him the rest of the ride with pure horror on his face, but he loved it.

It was so fun to see our friends and see Brenden enjoy Disneyland for the first time. It was good to come home and I am so glad our little family got to take a nice vacation!